ELEVENTH EPOCH: THE ANSWERED QUESTION
This realization (that writing is not the end in itself but rather, the spell to express my life in enchanting tones) lead me also, to the answer to the question that had previously buried me alive with suffocation.
I began to discern that my original perspective of my desire had not been flawed. I had been an artist and the charming craft of words had indeed mesmerized my mundane existence. Indeed it had lead me down the labyrinth of life to explore myriad, undiscovered haunts.
But things fell apart when I had began to use life as a chisel to sculpt my art rather than using art as a chisel to carve intricate meaning into my life.
That’s why, I had to know who I was and what life meant to me. Only if I weaved in my mind a vivid effigy of what I would carve would I be able to trace the chisel across the stone.
So for a while, I began to make a macrame of order inside my mind to knit one tapestry of life where everything I did fit in. Long days and unslept midnights I stayed brooding, little by little knitting my past desires and future aspirations together to find what lay common. In the end, I defined my destination, where I currently stood in life, and the path that I strove to saunter on.
Now I knew why I indulged in this phantasmagorical art and how it was important to my life.
My life would be my greatest masterpiece that I would leave behind in memory, past my time. That’s why, the strokes that I etch on my canvas must fall in proper order, in harmony with the soul of the entire painting. And writing is the vivid paints through which I would convey the mindscape of my life to the world’s gaze.
My mission is to make an art of my life. Then, this life of myself – the forgotten dancer – can be infused into the art of words to hold in its core.
Writing is not the end in itself, but rather, the spell to express my life in enchanting tones. This answer materialized at last from the tempestuous pits of pain; for that is the way of the world – answers emerge from the darkness. Incubation…
To be continued…